I’m terribly honoured to be given the job of planning the road system for our new Lunar Kingdom. So many seem to be falling into doubt on account of the implausibility of our venture. Well, I’m going to design something so very efficient, professional and pristine that they’ll have to believe in our mission again – all because of the roads.
I mean, I may not be a professional traffic engineering consultant. Melbourne has stringent exams and such for that line of work, and while I failed basically all of them, that doesn’t mean anything. Exams are just something I’ve never been good at, along with retaining information and the basic principles of left and right. What was it the doctor called it? That’s right – an ‘acute lack of directional sense’. I confuse up, down, left and right, and I can’t read a map to save my life. Still, I won’t let that stop me from being the greatest lunar traffic engineer ever, both because I’ll do a good job and because I’ll be the only one in existence and thus the best by default. But it’ll be both of those things, definitely.
Really, all I have to do is design an entire traffic system for vehicles that don’t yet exist, and it has to be ten times better and more efficient than anything we have on Earth. Everything in our Lunar Kingdom must be better than its equivalent on Earth. I kinda feel like I might be starting from behind on this one. I need to call in some favours from my old traffic engineer buddies and get their advice. If you had to design a traffic system involving large, rover-like vehicles that were sometimes ships and could sometimes decide to take off into orbit at the owner’s discretion, and there were actually no pre-existing roads, how would you… like… do that?
I’m not saying I’m in over my head. The Leaders are counting on me to revive the faith, with a very efficient road system, clearly. I just need a bit of professional advice on how to do a traffic management plan.
Sad that it’ll be confined to the lunar surface, really.