Sailing a ship that is tethered to another ship by a short rope is a lot harder than it sounds. And yes, I’m aware that it sounds hard. That’s how hard it is. Basically impossible. Nash Fawcett and I keep shouting at each other to try coordinating, but it totally isn’t working. Captains Burbridge and Whitemane have already overtaken us, thanks to Whitemane’s earrings giving him telepathy. I’m the best pirate in the whole modern world, but it doesn’t mean anything when I’m stuck to Nash!
Even these dang fancy golden shell earrings aren’t doing anything to help the situation. What good is it if I can move around my ship at twice the speed if I can’t turn without Nash knowing to do the same? No good, that’s how much. And now we’ve got the other two pairs of pirate ships catching up to us. Well, I’ll tell you what, Lorenzo Crowder isn’t going down today! I’m not going down ever! I’ll fight to the end, and then keep fighting.
I suppose it would probably help if I got off my phone and directed the ship, but I really just need a break from Nash. He keeps telling me about how he got these amazing stylish locally-made earrings, as if I wasn’t there when it happened. The man is driving me crazy. I don’t care if he got his legs blown off in an accident with a cannon—I don’t want to hear about it for the fifteenth time this hour.
Hopefully, even if we reach our destination last I can make it clear that it was all Nash’ fault for not doing anything to help. Why should I be eliminated from this competition because of his lack of skill as a pirate? That would be outrageous. It would be unfair.
I’m completely sure that DarkLord37 will see reason and let me join the next round. It’s the only logical option.
– Lorenzo Crowder