I tell you, the more I miss the chance to interview that vigilante, the more I want to get it done. Scoop McGee doesn’t quit, see? This is just making me even hungrier for that next big scoop.
Right now, I gotta pay the bills somehow, so I’ve got myself a job as a staff writer for two separate magazines: Cat Celebrity Mews and Kitchens for the Modern Woman. Look, it ain’t glamorous, see, but a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. To be honest, I can barely pick between the two of ‘em. Just last week I was interviewing internet viral star Tabby Crawshaw, then I’m talkin’ to a dame about life in the Melbourne area. Kitchen renovations are her dream, see.
I don’t have a kitchen of my own, me. I just get by in my one-room studio and a microwave, until I hit it big, you know? But this kitchen magazine, they want stories about kitchens. Big kitchens, small ones, kitchens with one sink and kitchens with twelve sinks. Kitchens with special work surfaces dedicated entirely to pasta, and kitchens on two levels where the dishwasher unloads itself and slides the dishes down a little conveyor belt right into the drawer all by itself.
I just don’t get some of these modern kitchen designs, but I’m not being paid to critique. Except in the monthly edition, Kitchens For the Modern Woman Monthly, in which I AM paid to go to someone’s kitchen and basically tear it apart. Gotta be harsh, see? But people don’t really wanna know my thoughts on contemporary kitchen design – I mean, I dunno what I’m on about, so I always pick out random parts to make it entertaining. Like, pointing out how they have a cat and their dishwasher is on ground level, and one day the cat’s gonna get shut in there.
Otherwise, I stick to your garden variety interviews. Actually, that does beat interviewing cats. At least people give me some quotes to work with.
-Scoop McGee, ace reporter