My Big Break

My goodness, an invitation to appear on the television! And because of the state of my kitchen!

This is terribly unexpected for all sorts of reasons, although our family’s uniqueness has perhaps played a large part in us getting noticed. We are, after all, the only people in Melbourne to own a castle-mansion of any sort, and it’s becoming more and more like our castle in Romania by the day as we renovate. All we need now are permanent dark clouds and it’ll feel just like home!

However, I’ve been invited onto a morning talk show primarily because of the interior, and our stunning kitchen renovation. Specialists Melbourne wide – you know, architects and such – just love to hear about kitchens, and it seems that the general public do to. That is terribly ironic, since we never use our kitchen. We had it renovated to the highest modern standard, of course, because of it being a matter of principle, but we otherwise don’t set foot in there and thus it’s utterly pristine. 

You invite one reporter in to do a special story on the super-rich family from Romania living in the castle-mansion, and suddenly you’re getting people asking who your kitchen designer was, and if you can come and speak on television about life, love, business and home. I’m actually considering it, as well, after I made sure that the title of the show- Sunrise Scoop– is actually just a name. There are no windows, no sunlight and it’s all filmed in an enclosed studio for lighting purposes. Excellent.

I suppose we must give the people what they want. Alright, the concept of being on television does interest me somewhat, even if they ask me probing questions like what we like to have for dinner, or why our servants keep disappearing, and why our mansion grounds attract an unusual number of bats, or the finer points of a kitchen renovation, or why we’re all deathly pale with the body temperatures of corpses.

Oh dear, that could be awkward! I couldn’t tell you a thing about kitchens… my dear wife handles all of that.