Whispering Pipes

I can hear whispering beneath my house. Voices that call out to me, bidding me to come join them. They’re loudest whenever I’m near water. Having a bath, washing the dishes, doing my business. More specifically, it’s coming from the pipes. I’ve considered going down into the sewers and looking for the voices, but nobody else can hear them. My wife thinks I’ve lost my mind. She even threatened to take me to a psychiatric ward again. But I swear they’re real. 

There they are again! Telling me to join them in the sewers. Whispering might not be the right word. It’s perhaps more of a… hissing, like snakes. But I can understand them. Am I able to talk to snakes? I’m not sure what else I can do, other than go and check out the sewers. I’ve tried getting a plumber who can do drain cleaning around Melbourne, but that hasn’t resolved the issue. 

Yeah, I’ve decided that I’m going to check it out. I’ll pack a bag and go on a little adventure, as soon as my wife leaves the house for her annual bowling club party. I’ll take a baseball bat with me and shut up whatever snakes are preventing me from getting a good night’s sleep. And then I’ll bring their noodle bodies back to my wife and prove that I’m not crazy. Who needs to fix their blocked drains near Oakleigh now, huh? Not me, because it wasn’t the drains that had the problem, it was the snakes in the sewer!

I wonder what I’ll find down there. Maybe there’s a secret snake society that is trying to get me on their side because they want to expand their operation above-sewer. Well, I won’t fall for their tricks. I’m on the side of humanity! I’m going to end this snake society once and for all, so that they can never lure innocent people into their sewer lairs. I don’t expect that anybody will believe me when I tell them I’ve saved the world from a snake cult, but I’m happy to be the unsung hero.